Another approach

Today we met with a private adoption attorney, who has been practicing for 15 years.  She apparently was the attorney for the first couple to find their child through fac.ebo,ok! She works in an entirely different method than our agency, and frankly, Mr. Badger and I agree, that both methods complement one another.

This new method will put a lot of onus on us to be proactively doing work, which we’re happy to do. In our state, paid adoption facilitation is illegal. That means if an expectant mother walked into her office and asked for a family identical to ours, she would not be ethically or legally allowed to show our profile to her. So what does she do? She networks with agencies who have that power, as well as other professionals in the adoption community, of which she is a very active member. She also is our legal adviser on retainer for all questions as we do our part of the work. That means as we network, she will help us vet possible opportunities, and help the expectant mothers find legal and social support wherever they are in the country.

She networks and we will be doing the same thing. She charges her retainer, which is a small amount for that work, and legal guidance and activity. In return, we bear the shoulder of responsibility. We are to:

• Create a profile book that she can send to colleagues when opportunities arrive
• Make a PDF handout, much like we did for our agency
• Make a website affiliated with an SEO optimized profile site (we can do it on our own, but she did show us advantages of going with a better networked site)
• Putting advertisements on FB, Google Ads, etc.
• Create a “Dear Family & Friends” flyer with family business cards attached to give to family to put on their refrigerators, to doctors to have in their office, to friends to put up in their offices, and so on.
• Getting a 1800 number to put on our profile
• Have first (second, and even third) contact with the expectant mother before handing it over to the attorneys to hash out. (Though she would coach us through all of it, we legally need to talk to the expectant parents first).
• Be safe by not giving out too much identifying information about ourselves before she gets involved.

That’s the plan for now, to have two paths we pursue at once. One with our agency, where they are working for the money we have paid, and the other where we are doing a heck of a lot of worthwhile legwork.  I was talking to my friend J about our meeting today, and said that it’ll force me to really put myself out of my comfort zone. For those who know me IRL, I like to help when I can. I feel good doing the dishes for a friend who is close to vomiting when she sees food. Bringing food (or wine) to a friend in need of a break, brings me joy. Accepting help? Yeah, I’m terrible at it. Furthermore, actively asking others to help me? Forget it. I feel awful asking for help, and always have been the “do it myself” type.  This new process with force me to seek the help of others, knowing that it will come from our network of family, friends and the family and friends of those people, that our family will add another person.

So I will soon be putting up a link to our profile page, and I will ask anyone interested in helping us on this path to participate with our family & friends letter campaign. We knew that it would take longer this time around, but we’re not content to wait for our family anymore. We’re going to be doers.