Estrogen E2=214
Progesterone P4=19.9
I spoke to a new nurse who was telling me I’d come back two weeks from the transfer (which I had guessed), and that they’d do an e2 and p4…and I said “And a beta?”…”No…hang on…oh, yes and a beta”.
Yeah, lady, you seem VERY nice, but I’m kind of an old pro at this.
Wanna know how to induce 2ww insanity? Google the number of days past transfer you are and read about all the surrogates who got BFPs this early. Or anyone who is POAS at this point in the 2ww. No, I have not peed on a stick yet. I am holding strong. This is what happens when you have a job where you work on your computer, not speaking to people except by instant messenger all day. Still in a good mood. I just feel so good that it’s like waiting to open your gift on your birthday. You need to wait for your birthday, but you want to know what you got. GAH!
The 2ww has not been awful thus far (knock on wood). I’ve been in a nice unhealthy cocoon of denial, which has been protecting me nicely. If I think about the fact that I am in the 2ww, I will get a momentary catch in my throat, and that’s enough to whisk myself away to think about something, ANYTHING, else. I just want to keep this good mood that I have, and keep tamping that fear down as far as it will go. If it’s needed, it can come out a week from Wednesday after 4pm, but no sooner. Bottling things up, in general, is a very bad idea. For now though, I’m going to indulge it whenever I have the strength.
I got “vampired” this morning, as Mr. Badger put it, and they checked my E2 and P4 levels. I’ll hear about those later today, but as I have learned, those numbers don’t mean shit about shit. The only levels I want to hear about are betas – but that’s still a week and two days away.
As for symptoms, the ill-fated FET cycle was a bit of a blessing, as it gave me the freedom to say fuck it to symptoms. The PIO shots mirror any theoretical symptom I’ve read about. I get the sore boobs, the cramps, the bloating, the fatigue – all from the shot. So since those would be the possible pregnancy symptoms, I can blissfully ignore my body a bit. Reading into a symptom or a sign is a wasted endeavor that no good can come of. So I’m just not gonna do it. At least the PIO shots aren’t killing my ass this time. I’ll take what I can get.
Denial, denial, denial. Yup. Gonna cozy up right here on the couch in denial. That should work.
Mentally, I really do feel like venting and obsessing a bit, but I think I’ll save it for tomorrow or maybe later today. No need to make Monday morning any more torturous than it already is.
I swear, I didn’t alter a word of this chat from gtalk.
Lindsay: hmm, what’s distracting you
Mr. Badger: BABIES!!
Lindsay: YAY, babies are fun
Lindsay: we should go get one
Mr. Badger: a baby?
Lindsay: yeah, seems like a good solution
Mr. Badger: hmm, well usually they’re a made to order product
Lindsay: hmmm
how long to delivery?
Mr. Badger: off the shelf babies are available, but they’re usually not exactly what you’re looking for, and most of them are previously owned
Lindsay: LOL
Mr. Badger: usually takes about 9 months from order to delivery
Lindsay: that’s long
Mr. Badger: you can get them sooner, but it’s better if you wait the whole 9 months
Lindsay: LOL
can you get more than one, or is there a limit to the order
Mr. Badger: the rush jobs are always in the shop for the first few months
Lindsay: right
Mr. Badger: you can get more than one
you can get two, three, even seven!
Lindsay: LOL
Mr. Badger: but, you really don’t want to order more than two at a time
Lindsay: oh?
Mr. Badger: more than that and it’s, well, it’s just not ideal
Lindsay: ok
Mr. Badger: more than two, the maker gets all rushed and flustered because it’s such an unusual order
Lindsay: oh, that doesn’t sound good
well, let’s place an order now, so we have it in
Mr. Badger: sometimes it works out
but it’s better if you go with a standard order
Lindsay: is two standard?
Mr. Badger: one is standard, two is standard plus
Lindsay: ok
Mr. Badger: it’s a special category of standard
it’s been available for years
Lindsay: gotcha
Mr. Badger: but not as many people take advantage of the option
i agree, though, we should place an order
Lindsay: who do we put it in with
Mr. Badger: plus, we don’t need to pay anything up front
it’s COD
Lindsay: ooh, nice
we didn’t already put a down payment in?
Mr. Badger: well, we did – but you normally don’t have to
Lindsay: oh
does that give us a better place in line or something?
Mr. Badger: that’s the theory at least
Lindsay: interesting
Mr. Badger: you should post this conversation on your blog
it would be funny
Laying on the couch again, and feeling pretty good. Like the Magic 8 Ball says, all signs point to yes. They say that the average tries for IVF to work is 2.6. This is #3, so we should be covered. We had good embryos, the best we’ve probably had so far. Heaven knows we put enough back (though mixed evidence as to if that actually improves odds, but shhhh!). Scientifically, this should work.
Even my therapist, who is not a fan of magical thinking, was encouraging a bit of it. I mentioned that the transfer was on Easter, and we got 7 embryos – covering Christianity and Judaism. She said, “Well, all you need is a Muslim link, and you have the three linked religions covered”. So if anyone can think of a reason based in Islamic faith – or heck, I’ll take Buddhist or Hinduism, shoot ‘em my way. Plus, my folks cleared out my grandmother’s apartment last week, her home for 52 years. I figure, her spirit has nowhere else to go right now, so she’s probably watching out for us. That’s the romantic side of the reasoning.
I go in Monday for my E2 and P4 testing, to make sure levels are in a good range, but I would bet my beta will be two weeks from yesterday. I’m hoping to at least make it to a week from this coming Sunday for pee-sticks. I’ll go nuts (as I bet will Leah – mwah!) not testing and not knowing. However, I’ll go mentally insane if I start testing, because then I won’t be able to stop. If it’s negative, I’ll start losing hope and needing to test every day just to see if our luck has changed. If it’s positive…well, I’ll be waiting for the stick to be wrong, like last time. Mr. Badger was not being helpful last night as he said, “Hey, did you know Pee-Sticks are a reimbursable medical expense [for flex spending]?”. OOH, so we get them cheaper cause they end up being paid pre-tax, which is already withheld from paychecks so it’s like FREE ’cause we already spent it? NO! I will be strong. Not to mention I have a healthy stash to burn through.
I need ideas for this 2ww. You’d think with this being the 14th ART cycle (double 7, just sayin’), I’d have the 2ww down pat. This is what’s on the agenda:
Today: Nada, not even a new episode of Lost tonight.
Friday: In the morning, we’re going to meet with the landscaper at the nursery. Did I mention we’re going to totally redo the landscaping of our house? I’ll make a post about that for y’all soon. Friday night, we’re thinking of going to see “21″, the movie based on the book “Bringing Down the House”.
Saturday: Not much planned, just going to help LIW with prepping for an interview. That’ll be fun, but only kill about an hour. Unless we gab after, which we probably will.
Sunday: As a resident of the DC metro area for the last 5 years, I’m sad to admit I’ve never been to see the Cherry Blossoms. In order to beat the tourists (before we want to beat the tourists, lol), we’re gonna go in the morning, and then have lunch.
The weekends really aren’t the issue, it’s the weekdays. I’m home by myself all day, with nothing but my computer for work. So next week will be the tough time. I need to go find somewhere to work where I can take calls, but not sit around my house. No good comes of that.
Next weekend, I am getting my hair cut on Friday, before heading out to Rehoboth Beach for the weekend with friends. At least that’s a distraction. All ideas are welcome – along with those religious meanings – in the comments.
We transferred 5 embryos (thus the song title). Our resolve went to pot when the RE said, “I’d like to put back 5, if that’s okay with you.” We said SUUUURE, Why not? We’re suckers for being asked nicely.
They were:
1 9-cell
1 8-cell
2 6-cell
1 5-cell
Since there are 5, we figured basketball names were appropriate. So the embryos are: Jordan, Bird, Barkley, Irving, and Shaq. There were two 3-cell embryos that we didn’t transfer, and we don’t expect them to make it to freeze.
The grades (which we don’t know which score is with which, nor if 1 is highest or lowest on their scale): 2+, 2, 2, 3, 3-
Since she didn’t mention it, I asked the RE if Assisted Hatching was used, and she said, “No, I asked the embryologist, and he said it was not necessary,” with a hint of surprise in her voice as well. That was a good feeling. She really liked the 9 and 8-cell embryos and said it was a great transfer. She doesn’t dispense good news easily, but she was pretty positive about how everything turned out.
Mr. Badger mentioned to the nurse, while I was changing, “No offense, but I really hope we don’t have to come back here.” The nurse replied, “You both are very sweet, but I hope you don’t come back either”.
Afterwards, we went to the acupuncturist, and now I am home, waiting for my friend who out of the blue volunteered to be my Lady-in-Waiting who will be here around noon.
Lea Bee is calling me “Possum Mama”, reminding me that I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). Welcome to the 2ww my friends.
Just got the call.
We still have all the embryos. One 4-cell, one 6-cell, two three cells and the rest are slowing down. The Doc said “we really want to get you pregnant, so we’re going to be aggressive and put back 4 if that’s alright”. Translated – we want to get you and your husband’s broke asses out of our offices. Lest you think I feel that way, Mr. Badger and I just said that last line and started cracking up.
And we’re okay with the 4. Only two are looking “good” by the doc’s estimation, and we have done 4 so-so before.
I’m much crampier than I usually am after retrieval, and same with bloatiness. I even moved to the couch for working yesterday. I think I should take tomorrow off, what do you guys say? My friend D has even graciously offered to be my “lady in waiting” since Mr. Badger will go to work after we get home from everything in the morning. How sweet is that? Just out of the blue.
Transfer is at 8:30, after which I will go right to acupuncture and then bedrest. I’m oddly amused by this whole thing. Seriously, I’m not in a bad mood, I’ve just got to laugh at the absurdity of all of this. We change the protocol to make the eggs better, and it’s now a sperm issue. As Izzie once said, “G-d got a girl pregnant by MAGIC. G-d isn’t playing by the rules”. So I laugh. It’s what we have to keep us sane. Maybe I have finally just lost it.
Well, that call took the wind out of my sails.
Of the 14, only 7 fertilized. That’s compared to 13 of 14 and 14 of 15 in the other two cycles. Apparently the embryologist mentioned poor morphology. She called me to make sure I was taking all the right meds, which I am, and will call back tomorrow to see if we’ll do a 3-day or 5-day transfer. I’ll remind her tomorrow morning that we agreed on a 3-day. Sigh.
Trying not to freak. Trying not to freak.
edited to add: This is why I keep you ladies around. Mel reminded me that 7 is an extremely meaningful number in Judaism.
For those who celebrate – Happy Easter!
Retrieval went great – looks like we got 14 eggs, same as IVF #1 Tomorrow we’ll get the fertilization report. Now, I will pass out on the couch, since I am still all doped up. You are all the best for your lovely wishes for Mr. Badger and I.
Bloodwork came back totally fine, so tomorrow is retrieval for sure. I drew up this little graphic in honor of saying I should get a tee. It’s stupid and wasteful and tempting fate to go to Cafe Press and make one, right? Click on the graphic to see it full size.
Anyhow – Mel, Josh, and the twins are coming over to decorate eggs today. We’ll go to Vigil Mass tonight, and then try and sleep. You’d think that this was our first IVF the way we’re so excited…
