Our Family Beginnings

My celiac panel, thyroid test, and blood work show that I’m fit as a fiddle! No celiac disease for me, and I’m just gonna go ahead and say I’m not lactose intolerant.

That is a very nice way to end the month and start the holiday feasting season, though my jeans may disagree.

V hates the car.  10 months old, and still the kid screams with blood-curdling intensity when he’s in the car for more than 5 minutes. There was maybe a month there where he didn’t do it, but it’s back and louder than ever now.

Saturday night we got in my in-laws’ car and drove out for dinner, and with me and my MIL in the back seat, his usual freak out ensued…until I had an idea.

I sang.

Most nap times I’ll sing him the Beatles’ “I Will” as I rock him to sleep, and so  I started with that, and he got quiet.  The song ended and he fussed again.  So I sang some children’s songs for him, and again he quieted down.  It was truly the only thing that would soothe him.
While I never like to hear him cry, knowing that I can soothe him with music is perfect to me.

Yesterday I turned 33, and it was a pretty nice day.

Thanksgiving went well, though the turkey cooked faster than Mr. Badger had expected.  Ignore the fact that this happens every year and should no longer be a surprise…

I’m really lucky that my brother married such an awesome woman.  She’s truly so sweet and helpful, making sure that I took time outs to rest every now and then both on Thanksgiving and my birthday.  She’s hilarious, a great aunt to V, and easy to get along with.  She loves football, music, food, and karaoke, and played Beatles Rock Band with me for hours this morning.

Mr. Badger and I get along so well with my brother and his wife that we are making a few plans to go away with them in 2010 for some vacation days.

On Wednesday I wrote a letter to our elected officials to see if they can speed the paperwork along for finalization.  It can’t hurt, right?

V is walking pretty regularly now, which isn’t freaking me out.  When he goes vertical, that’s when I’m gonna be in big trouble.

Me, Mr. Badger, my brother and his wife all went to a few bars throughout DC for my birthday, leaving my folks and Mr. Badgers to watch V.  It made us laugh that all four of them were still there when we got home around 11pm, though V went to bed hours earlier. It was like neither pair wanted to cede grandparenting to the other, and so they all stayed.  My folks said that it was a good time and everyone got along well.  Not a bad birthday gift…

Mr. Badger got me a photography class for my birthday, which I’m pretty stoked about. Maybe I’ll even get good at it!!!

I leave for Florida on Tuesday with V, and Mr. Badger joins us on Thursday along with my folks.  It’s gonna be a royal PITA to fly down there on my own with V with his big boy carseat.

More in a little bit since I have to make up for not posting yesterday.

But to get it in under the wire, while I am thankful for a great many things this year, I am most thankful for this:

Hell yeah, I drew it!

As V naps away, I am going to attempt a post I’ve been wanting to write for a while.

Adoption and the internet, and beyond.

If you have ever considered adoption, from any angle of the adoption triad (first parents, adoptee, adoptive parents), you may already have an inkling of where I am going.

The internet is a place that can suck you in to a black hole of questioning and doubt.  One of the first sites I found when we seriously started our adoption path, was a site run by adoptees about the evils of adoption. I read a few posts and closed up the browser. Like most areas of importance, there are extreme highs and lows when people are passionate about things.

In the meantime I’ve made sure to continually educate myself on some of the challenges we’ll face as V gets older.  His first mother has chosen a closed adoption, though we know some details about her from our agency. We also told the agency that should she want to reconsider, we would welcome an opportunity to navigate an open adoption with her.  The first thing I whispered in V’s ear when we met him was “My name is LJ and I’m adopting you and will be your mom.”  Mr. Badger said something similar. He will know his story, and we will respect his wishes as he chooses to share it as he grows.

There’s an adoptive parent’s blog that I read that does a roundup each week of posts from all points of view.  Lately I’ve been really trying to read the ones that are from first mothers and adoptees.  I am thankful that while many of these are extremely angry posts, they are also respectful and thought out in their arguments.  The posts that I am thinking of right now, the posts that drove me to write today, are extremely anti-adoption.  Adoption, in some eyes, is always bad, and should not be considered an option in our society.  In these posts, first mothers and adoptees vilify the adoption industry as a money making scheme driven by those who cannot have children of their own and will take a child from another family’s arms.

Often, comments follow speaking to the notion that no adoptee can ever be truly happy with their adoptive parents, and if they claim to be, then those people are in denial.  Same goes for first mothers who are comfortable with the adoption plan that was made.  The commenters will say that if society didn’t push adoption, the first parents would never choose it.

The thing is, adoptive or not, parents can suck.  Adopted or not, some kids are going to be screwed up, and sometimes through no fault of the parents.  I worked for a year as a behavioral therapist, and encountered many adoptive and foster parents who were totally in it for the government benefits.  I also know people who were adopted through Catholic Charities in the 60s and 70s and had first parents who were forced into adoption plans.  There are lots of reasons why adoption can happen for the wrong reasons.  I’m not even going into the ethical issues that can surround international adoption.

Adoption is not perfect. In a perfect world, every person who wants to parent, can, and everyone who chooses not to parent, doesn’t have to.  This isn’t a perfect world.  Social stigma, finances, politics, medical issues and more all come into play.  We all have to deal with the hand we were given.  V didn’t choose to be adopted, and we can’t force his feelings on the issue.  I read the posts that cause me discomfort because I want to be aware.  I want to know why some adoptees never feel connected with their adoptive families and the myriad of emotions that first parents experience.  I want to be able to help educate V before he even has the capability of knowing which questions to ask. I want  him to be comfortable asking when he does.  I also don’t want to have a Hester Prynne red A on his chest for ADOPTED.  He is our son, and he will always be loved and cherished by us.

All of that being said, I’m able to find balance in those who I know who are adopted or are from blended families themselves. While I have no idea on the percentages, I would be willing to bet that there are far more people who have come to terms with adoption from each piece of the triad than not.  For some, it’s as much who they are as is being left or right handed.  And there aren’t a lot of blogs out there by left handed people who are upset because they aren’t right handed.

Especially at this time of Thanksgiving, we are grateful that V’s first mother chose an adoption plan, but also are very cognizant of the flip side of that.  There is loss here. A child was separated from his first family, and may never meet that family. A mother was in a set of circumstances where she felt unable to parent.  V’s birthday is joyous for us, and for our family.  It may also be a somber day for him,  a day of pain and separation, and we will need to honor and respect those feelings as well should those feeling arise.  Joy and pain are so closely tied, and I hope that as parents we can help V understand each.

Perfect timing to end the post, as I can here V beginning to stir. Until tomorrow, my friends.

A year ago I got the BlackBerry Storm, aka the iBerry.  I loved it, I still like it.  But from what I have heard, some people on the other side of my calls couldn’t hear me.  As such, I am selling the ‘berry and have gone Droid.

Oh.  Oh my.  Droid, you are very very sexy.  And sleek.  And connected to all of my googley needs.

I love thee so, and have been playing with it since V went to bed.   Since my afternoon was spent at the doc, there was no real time to post.

A synopsis from the doc visit though.  He took the celiac concern seriously, but also is going to run tests on my thyroid and regarding my anemia.  I’ve had thyroid tests before, but considering I’ve always been on the low side, and both my folks are hypothyroids, I’m happy to have it monitored.

He also wants me to give up dairy for two weeks.  Two weeks because I am seeing him in three weeks and we agreed that asking me to do that at Thanksgiving was cruel and unusual punishment.  I doubt I am lactose intolerant, but hey, I’ll test for anything.  Even if it means soymilk in my morning coffee.  That’s one great thing about IF.  You wanna test something and not play with my girly bits?  Have at it, doc!

Actually, a new study said that it takes at least 66 days to become a habit.  Nonetheless, I don’t think I could actually come up with something interesting to say for that many days. I’ve had a rough time with the 22 in a row that I’ve already done, including this one.  Heck, one could argue that most of these post have barely been interesting!  Then again, you’re still reading, so I must have at least something going for me.

The funny thing is, it’s not like I don’t have things that I want to talk about.  Far from it. I have tons of things that I’d love to expound on in a blog post.  I want to talk about why I didn’t blog for three months this year.  I want to talk about geeky things I adore like gadgets, and about how I am the worst person in the world to shop for.  Why not?  Because to do some of those topics justice takes time and focus that I didn’t have before V, and I certainly don’t have now.  Some things have resolved, and some of them aren’t even worth talking about anymore.

A lot of the blogs I read, I love because they write like me, like the way they speak.  I can read blogs of my friends and then see them in person, like Serenity, and JJ, Lori, and Somewhat Ordinary and and all of the TOOTPU bloggers, and they sound exactly like they do in written form.  Then you have the creative genius types like Mel and Kym and they write like I wish I could write.  I’m not doing a comparison thing, but in my head, these unwritten posts are the most erudite prose on the planet, and then I start to write and stuff like this comes out.

What’s good though, is that in writing each day, the month has flown by.  I dwell less on crap when I get it out of my skull and out through my fingertips.  And I’ve tried keeping a diary, but that never stuck. Now at just two shy of my 600th post, and week or so shy of my 3rd blogoversary, I can say that while not consistent, my blog is quite the comfortable habit. I may drift away at times, but like exercising, I feel better when I do it, and it’s better for me the more I do it.  Thanks for keeping me company.