Our Family Beginnings

When we finished all of our adoption paperwork, the hard work began. Some may say that the forms are the biggest pain in the ass, but personally, we had no problem filling our our names and addresses a bazillion times. No no, I’m referring to the usual suspect in all of the ALI community: waiting.

The difference in waiting with adoption versus pregnancy is that it could be 5 minutes, 5 months, or years before that little person comes into your life. The common struggle I’ve seen in adoption bloggers is how to prepare. It’s not like in “What to Expect…” where in month 6 you start a registry, in month 8 you paint the baby’s room. No one wants to stare at a perfectly completed baby room when you have no one to lay in that adorable crib with the perfect art on the walls.

What’s a family to do then? Luckily, I had a friend who had a baby less than a year prior (at the time). I tied her to a chair and made her enumerate the things she needed those first weeks with baby E. Okay, maybe I didn’t tie her to a chair, but she did make me a list. Basically, I asked her “What did you need those first two weeks?”.

Since in domestic adoption, you often have to travel to a different state to meet your little one, you’ll have to wait for ICPC clearance. That means bunkering down in a hotel for up to two weeks waiting for the baby’s birth state and your home state to approve the adoption. Taking the baby home before that? Kinda kidnapping, so I’d advise against it.

But I digress. The point is, you have to live in a 150 square foot room, hopefully with a fridge and not much else for a while. If you are used to Manhattan life, like my brother and his wife, this will not be a challenge. The rest of us, though, need to learn about minimalism. Luckily, we got rid of our Jeep (not lucky in general, just for the purposes of this story) and had to fit everything we needed in a Volkswagen Jetta. Speaking of which, you can fit a hell of a lot in a VW Jetta when one needs to.

Man, I digress again. Anyway, I asked E’s Mama to make me a list of what we’d need to bring with us, and then some things that would be nice to have when we got home. I’ve used this list countless times now for friends who are adopting and those who are expecting as well. Feel free to add your additional suggestions as well, or send it along to waiting parents to be in your life. I’ve divided it up into a few levels for ease of use, and provided links to items I used or similar items.

Note: I have not been compensated in any way for these recommendations.  These are all items that I or a close friend have used.

Insider tip: Order items on Amazon.com and get them shipped to your hotel where you’ll be staying, if you need to fly!

For the first two weeks/waiting for ICPC clearance:

Clothes/Warmth:
4 infant gowns -  basically it’s like a nightgown that has elastic on the bottom.  GREAT for the nighttime changes.

6 kimono style onesies – long sleeve, with the folded cuffs for built in mittens.  These are good because they won’t irritate the umbilical stump.

Side snap tops are awesome because you don’t have to pull things over their floppy heads—but are super hard to find. I have a few that I found at Target

2 Swaddle Me swaddlers – some babies really hate to be swaddled, so that’s why I would have this and sleep sacks ready to go.

3 receiving blankets – personally, I used these to swaddle over the pre-made swaddlers, but every baby is different.

3 sleep sacks – Like a sleeping bag that your baby can wear.

Outfit for newborn pictures – something you just love.  We weren’t there for V’s birth, but the agency dressed him up in Steelers gear, since it was Super Bowl weekend for the home team.

Feeding:

I’m making the assumption that you are formula feeding your baby.  I’m not putting it in as a debate over breastfeeding, but do what you’re comfortable with – especially if you only have short notice:

Formula – The New York Times has an article about the sugar content in some of the more mainstream brands.  We use Earth’s Best Organic, and our baby has thrived so well.  That being said, the ready made cans of Enfamil that they gave us in the hospital were lifesavers in those first overnight hours.

Bottles – We use the Avent system, and often they’ll leak.  We love them and how they grow with the baby, and have figured out how to stop the leaking via googling the issue.  I just recommend something BPA free if you use plastic, or just go with glass.  Having 4-6 bottles is really good so that you can make bottles in advance, stick them in the fridge and they’re ready to go when your baby needs them.  Our baby took the bottle cold.  There’s no need to warm the formula if the baby doesn’t mind the bottle out of the fridge.

Burpcloths: Get a little pack of 6 to take with you, you’ll get tons as gifts.

Binkies: Get a few different brands, you never know which they’ll latch onto. Don’t go overboard, 4-6 are more than enough.   Our baby loves the MAM brand ones.

Sleep, Bathing, & Hygiene:

You can use the sink and hotel towels at the hotel, but for home I have other recommendations below.

Hotsling – I still use it to this day, and V loves being in it for sleeping or just when we are out and about.   It was perfect for the week in the hotel.   Bonus: gives me free hands without all the fuss of a more substantial carrier system.  Personally, it doesn’t bug my back, though if I were walking around for hours, I will put him in a more structured carrier (below).

Sleep Positioner – it’s great for laying in bed when you want to keep the baby close but he/you don’t want to be alone.

Pack & Play – holy crap, I don’t know what we’d have done without it. Get a nice soft fitted sheet to go with it.  It’s got a changing table built in and a basinet to sleep in.  Once we came home from Pittsburgh with him, he slept in our room in this for two months.  It made life so much easier in those early weeks.

Baby wash – We use the Aveeno Baby Wash & Shampoo.

Moisturizer – not all babies need it, but we found he got a little dry in the hotel in winter, and Eucerin Aquaphor was what the pediatrician recommended.

Thermometer – Don’t get a fancy schmance ear-thermometer.  They’re notoriously inaccurate for infants.  We like the Vicks thermometer because it doesn’t let you go in too far.  Um, side note: Be ready with a diaper when you take the baby’s temp in the early days.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Nail clippers – Yes, you will inevitably clip the baby.  Yes, they will scream.  Yes, they will still love you and let you try again.

New parent arsenal of first aid:

• Baby Tylenol
• Baby Ibuprofen
• Baby Oil
• Rubbing Alcohol for cleaning things
• Neosporin
• Nasal Aspirator
• Q-tips for applying any ointments to the umbilical stump
• Hand sanitizer to keep in your diaper bag for all those nice people who want to touch the baby.

Diapering:

Big Box O’ Diapers – We cloth diaper now, and I know others are comfortable diapering from the get go, but in the hotel, I’d highly recommend disposables.  Different babies fit into different brands better than others.  We really loved Pampers Swaddlers, personally.

Baby Wipes – who knows what chemicals are in these things, and again, in the hotel, you’ll be glad to have disposables. We liked the Whole Foods Market 365 brand wipes.

Diaper Cream – hands down, we love and still use Burt’s Bees Diaper Ointment.

Scented Diaper Sacks – When you are in a small space with lots of baby diapers, you’ll thank me for suggesting these.  They come in handy down the line for dirty clothes and for just sticking in your diaper bag.

Other items for the first weeks:

Carseat – we have the Graco Snugride with the base.  The base is handy for snapping the baby in and out without having to mess with the seatbelt each time.  You don’t need the stroller yet, in my opinion.  See below for more info.

Diaper Bag—My friend loved  Land’s End but I got a Skip Hop bag, a little pricier, but cute, and I use it instead of a purse.  It comes with a changing pad which gets used all the time.

Hairdryer (it was loud in the womb!)

Itzbeen Timer- totally only needed it in those hazy first weeks, but it reminded me when he last was changed or ate when I could barely remember my name.

Snacks for you in the hotel – Do yourself a favor and book a hotel that has free breakfast.  Go to a nearby grocery and pick up finger foods, granola bars, and a case of water.

Red raspberry leaf tea- it’s not just used by pregnant women! A relaxing cup of red raspberry leaf tea can help with insomnia and a lot of new mothers swear by it to optimize their precious few hours of sleep.

A camera and laptop for sending your loved ones tons of photos!

A copy of “What to Expect The First Year” or other reference for middle of the night questions and answers.

For home – this stuff can wait a few weeks, it’s okay:

Digital Baby Monitor – There is one that has video so that you can keep the door closed if you have squeaky doors, you can see if the baby is up, but I hear they may have interference with your phones.  We have a basic fisher-price one, and like it just fine.

Diaper Pail – If you’re using disposables, I recommend the Diaper Champ, since it takes regular trash bags.

Baby Bathtub with sling – I’d say this is a nice to have, not a need to have though we like ours, since a sink works just fine.  The sling makes it much more comfortable for baby.

3-6 washcloths (you’ll get a lot as gifts) & a hooded towel for drying off after.

Bottle drying rack – super handy to put them here after washing so they stay separate from your dishes.

Baby Carrier – I love the Ergo, and doctors say it’s better on your back than the standard Baby Bjorn.  For the early days, if you aren’t using the hotsling, I would get the infant insert.

Snap-n-go stroller frame – Basically, get a cheap frame to put the carseat on until you figure out how you’ll use the stroller.  I borrowed ours from a friend, and am glad I didn’t shell out big bucks on this.  At two months, we decided on the BOB Revolution stroller and find it’s good for everyday use.  Note: Don’t bring your BOB on the plane unless you’re made of money.  Lots of horror stories about them getting banged around.  This is where using your snap-n-go comes in handy.

Papasan Chair – put the baby in here while you watch her and shower

Swing – this thing is so made of win when he needs a nap and is fussy.  My only regret is it takes batteries not an a/c adapter and eats them like mad.  I got this a hand-me-down thoug, and I’d be lost without it.